fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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