Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
