hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
