That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
