I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
