I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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