i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
