i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
