so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
