the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
