He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
