I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
