I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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