It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
