I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
