no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
