You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
