haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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