i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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