butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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