we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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