Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
