As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
