The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
