is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
