Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
