My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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