I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
