what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
