i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
