I think my fart just growled at me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
