I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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