don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
