You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
