My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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