do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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