I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
