Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
