...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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