We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
