My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
