I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
