You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
