Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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