yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
