I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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