Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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