i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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