Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
