Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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